“Is everything okay?“
“In connection with life I don’t think that’s possible.“
“That bad?”
“I’ll live. … Or not.”
“Hey, if you wanna talk …”
“Thank you.”
“Did something happen?”
“No. This just isn’t the place where I wanna be right now.”
“My office?”
“School.”
“All of life is a school.”
“All of life doesn’t suck the life out of me.”
“Ah.”
“Sorry, let’s just discuss my paper.”
“No, we can discuss this first.”
“I’m feeling like this is more than just touching the field of impropriety…”
“I’ don’t think so. If you need to talk about your problems with school what better place is there to do it than school? … Come on, I’ll be your counsellor. What can I do to help you manage your studies?”
“… Wanna switch lives?”
“Really? That bad?”
“It’s not really that bad, I’m just prone to self-pity, that’s all. So, even though my circumstances are ordinary I feel like I’m the only one who’s being treated unfairly by life. Not your problem really. You shouldn’t have to deal with my selfishness.”
“Selfishness or not, it’s obviously interfering with your studies. So, yes, I do think it should be of my concern, considering I’m your professor and all. Tell me what exactly is bothering you.”
“Really, it’s nothing more than what’s bothering others. No big deal. I’ll cope.”
“You getting’ bad grades?”
“No.”
“Being treated inappropriately by a teacher?”
“You mean, other than you?”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. We don’t have to be talking about this if you don’t want to. I just want you to know that if you need anyone to talk to you can come to me anytime, okay?”
“Okay. … So, everybody seems to think I’m capable of big things. Or bigger than the average student. And they think I should make good grades. And I do. I do make good grades. And that just seems to prove them right.”
“Your grades have nothing to do with anyone but you.”
“Thanks, that’s nice, but not true. My grades seem to give everyone permission to expect everything from me.”
“But isn’t that in general a good thing? Your teachers see what you’re capable of and they’re trying to support you so you can live up to your highest potential.”
“But I can’t do it. … What everybody seems to convinced of – that I’m smart and that I can make good grades – isn’t so certain to me. All that’s in my head – all that’s been in my head ever since – is ‘I can’t do this.’ … I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I’m simply not good enough. I can’t do it. I can’t live up to your standards and it’s killing me.”
“So you feel a lot of pressure?”
“… You know what? We should just talk about my paper now. You’re not my shrink after all. You don’t have to treat my inferiority complex.”
“No, I really think we should be talking about this first. I don’t see that you can properly and productively focus on your paper as long as this isn’t out of your system.”
“The only way this will ever be out of my system is if I die.”
“Well, I don’t want that. … So, you wanna go get a cup of coffee and discuss it in a less formal environment.”
“You really don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. I have a genuine interest in my students’ happiness. I don’t just care about attendance and active work. I want university to be rewarding experience for you. I don’t want it to break you. No one wants that.”
“Don’t you think that if I can’t stand the pressure I should just get out of here?”
“No! I’m not surprised that you’re overwhelmed by the pressure.”
“I look that labile?”
“I don’t mean you specifically. It’s obvious that there is no room in this institution for your fears and your anxieties. There is no room for your emotions and I think that’s a bad thing. You’re not just a registration number. You’re also a person. You are first and foremost a person. So, I think there desperately needs to be room for your anxieties and worries. And if you want, this is the room for your fears.”
“Your office.”
“Only if you want. You don’t have to talk to me but I encourage you that you talk to someone.”
